Sample Tools

Do you ever feel stuck in a rut of unhelpful beliefs, leading to unhealthy habits causing unconscious actions?

This checklist may give you an idea of what beliefs need updating!

Step 1 is to complete these sentences:

When under pressure I ……………………….……………………….

I often feel guilty about ……………………………………………………….

When ………………………. happens I stress out and feel like ……………………….

My Achilles' heel (greatest weakness) is ……………………….

I am always trying to stop ……………………..…………. from happening.

When the unexpected happens I ………………………………………………………..

I always try to ………………………………………………………..

The biggest obstacle that stops me loving and approving of myself is ……………….

What drives most of my behavior is …………………………………………….

I am afraid of ………………………………………………………..

I seek my ……………'s approval (always / mostly / usually / occasionally)

My most frequent negative and uncomfortable emotion is feeling  ………………….

The feeling I dislike the most is ……………………….

I need to learn to ………………………………………………………..

Congratulations - that took courage!

Step 2 - Now you have identified your false beliefs, go back and re-do the exercise writing how you would like to be.

For example:

When under pressure I … panic

to

When under pressure I … think about the situation calmly and ask for support.

It's very easy to answer the question "what's wrong" in your life?

But how about what's "not wrong?"       And what about what's "right?"

It's a wonderful thing to have a non-headache or a non-toothache, but so often we do not think of the joy of not having these problems until we experience them and then wish them away.

This exercise can help us redress the balance of what's really right and wrong in our life …

• Get two blank sheets of paper.

• On one piece of paper, list all of the things that are "wrong" in your life - don't be afraid to be negative - get it all out!

• On the other, write a list of all the positive things in your life right now, including everything that's "not wrong."

• When you have finished, place the two pieces of paper side by side and ask yourself …

• What is of the greatest use to me and what serves me most - to focus on what's "Wrong" or what "Not Wrong'?"

• When you have decided which list is best for you to dwell on, discard the list you do not wish to focus on - throw it away, maybe even bury or burn it, if you wish to make this a memorable event.

Try reading the remaining list every morning for a week and see what happens!

Do you feel stressed and harassed during the day, like you're always doing things to please others rather than yourself?

Do you have problems making decisions about insignificant matters?

Are you unsure about what it is you really want?

Do you find yourself doing things you really don't want to do and continually acting out of obligation?

Part of being an adult is learning to put the needs of others, such as our children or employer, ahead of ourselves. But we can become so used to doing what we feel we should do, or living by the expectations of others that we lose touch with ourselves.

If we stop listening to our hearts voice, eventually we won't recognize it. Then we wonder why our life is so dry and un-spontaneous!

We need to re-open the conversation with our heart - to remember how to listen to our heart and not just our head.

Here's how to recognize your hearts voice:

When you're feeling stressed or that you feel you have lost your center, ask yourself two questions,

1. "What am I feeling now?"

2. "I would like … ?"

Try to listen to the first thought - which will be from your heart - not your head which comes in with chatter and rationalizing afterwards.

If the message from your heart is possible and practical - then do it- take a break, call a friend, pop out for a coffee, jump up from your desk and shout "Yes!".

If this impulse is not realistic, or merits some reflection - like quitting your job - just note your hearts message until its convenient to follow through, but be careful - this habit is life changing!

Why not try following your heart and doing one spontaneous thing every day?

And … if you really want to be immature and have fun in a boring, "grown up" situation, ask yourself:

"What would I do if I was 5?"

We often feel stuck between a rock and a real hard place.

At these times of stress we can often only see two rather unpleasant options.

But we are blessed with a mind that can imagine of infinite and myriad possibilities - and here's a tool to get your creativity flowing and demonstrate that.

You can use this tool to expand and stretch your habitual mental pattern of only seeing limited options.

Scenario: Imagine there is a hungry mosquito in the room whilst you are trying to sleep.

• Now imagine at least twenty possible responses - no matter how crazy.
• Even something like "calling up the pest control at midnight to come and deal with it."
• When you've finished, check this possibility you may have overlooked!*

Now you've got your creativity flowing, write down your problem then ask …

• How else could I think about that?
• What's another way of looking at this?
• Who could I ask for a new perspective?

Try and come up with twenty new and different ways of looking at your situation.

* Did you come up with an option of "just let it bite you and go back to sleep?"

When we are single, we usually have just a vague idea of what our ideal partner might be.

But it is very useful to put time into defining this person, because then when you meet them - you will be able to recognize them straight away!

This tool helps you imagine the qualities of your dream partner.

By asking yourself some questions about your dream partner you can create a clear picture of them in their mind.

When you have finished, you will have a list of the qualities you would like in a future partner.

Replace "He" and "She" below as appropriate.

Part I: Questions To Discover Your Future Partners Qualities

What qualities do you want your potential partner to demonstrate?

Think about your answers to these questions to get some ideas:

"How does he make me feel special?"

"What does she do when I'm sick in bed?"

"How does he show affection?"

"How does he treat me in company when we go out?"

"How does he make me laugh?"

"Her most important quality is …"

"The best thing about him is …"

For example:

Question: "How does he treat me in company when we go out?"

Qualities: He is respectful, attentive and kind.

Part II: Identifying Your Partners Qualities

In Part I you wrote a list of the qualities of your Future Partner.

But when you meet someone, how will you know if they have those qualities?

Now, write down examples of how they will express those qualities and what actions and behavior will demonstrate those qualities.

For example:

Question: "How does he treat me in company when we go out?"

Qualities: He is respectful, attentive and kind.

Behavior: He is attentive and considerate to me, and kind to the waitress.

Part III: Your Qualities

This is often the part people overlook.

Love is not what you get, but what you give.

Harley M Storey

Now write down the qualities you will bring to the relationship.

So how well do you know your partner?

Do you think you know their favorite movie? What about their favorite day of the week?

This is a fun quiz to do with you and your partner where you're bound to discover a lot of surprises!

• Get together with your partner.
• Print two copies of this questionnaire (an easily printable copy on pdf is available in 20 Tools Life Coaches Use® available here)
• Take one copy each and separately write down the answers you think your partner would give to the following questions.
• When you have finished, swap your lists, score each other and laugh!

What do you think their …

• favorite movie is
• favorite band or singer, or type of music
• favorite actor, actress
• favorite season
• favorite TV show
• favorite day of the week
• their hero
• favorite time of day
• favorite activity
• the quality they admire most in others
• favorite activity
• best memory together
• who they are closest to in their family
• their best friend
• the personal quality they most appreciate in a partner
• favorite color
• their worst habit
• their best habit
• kindest thing you have done for them
• your most difficult habit for them to deal with
• the hardest issue for them to deal with
• the one word that best describes them
• if they were a car what car would they be?
• what they feel are your three best qualities
• the thing they would most like you to do, what they most want from you
• the way they would like you to communicate love
• what is their loving style - how do they demonstrate their love?